Dating expert reveals how to find love online
Just in time for International Kissing Day!
Dating can be incredibly fun, but it can also tear your heart right out of your body - or at the very least, leave you feeling that way. Trust us on that one.
The good news is there are ways to up the enjoyment factor and (even more importantly) dramatically decrease your chances of getting hurt, says Charly Lester UK Dating expert and co-founder of the dating app Lumen. Here Charly reveals a handful of her top dating tips, especially for those in the mature bracket.
Okay so let's get this started ... What are we doing wrong when it comes to online dating?
Firstly - filters and old photos. There is no point attracting someone with photos that aren’t realistic, especially if you want to meet up with that person in real life. No one wants to make a first impression which is a disappointment!Secondly - being hypercritical of the men on offer. The most scathing comments I get about members are from women. I think the reality is that men don’t know how to sell themselves on dating apps as women do, so cut them a bit of slack and have an open mind!
What do women in the 50+ age bracket have over their younger counterparts?
Maturity, life experience and a more relaxed view on dating. When you’re not looking to start a family, and not fussed about marriage, dating can be a lot less pressured.
How might they highlight those positive aspects (while down-playing any negative ones, if there are such things)?
I don’t think you need to highlight these things per se - if you know what you’re looking for from the relationship, that maturity will shine through. And if you are more relaxed about what you’re looking for, communicate that.
What brings women undone in this age bracket in regards to dating (lack of confidence perhaps? Negativity?)
I think the biggest thing is dating after a long time of being in the same relationship. Many Lumen members haven’t ‘dated’ for 20-30 years, and when they were last single, dating wasn’t even a thing which can lead to a lack of confidence. If you’ve come out of a particularly messy divorce, that can also impact confidence and self-worth.
What are your best tips for 50+ women in regards to meeting a man?
Definitely keep an open mind. Dating is a numbers game - very few people marry the first person they speak to on a dating app. Try to enjoy the experience and see it as an opportunity to make new friends and enjoy new experiences. Try not to have a ‘type’ - if you are coming out of a divorce you might think a new person has to be like your ex (or the complete opposite of your ex). Keep an open mind and meet a range of people. We all change, and if you haven’t dated since your teens or twenties, you might be surprised what works for you in later life. It could be a very different partner to your ex.
And what about keeping one (if they are so inclined?)
Take things slowly. Try not to look for the same level of commitment as you had in the relationship you have come out of. Try not to overthink things, and communicate. Good relationships are based on good communication.Is online dating really the way to go?
Yes! It’s a unique opportunity to meet thousands of people you would never have encountered in any other sphere of life. Online dating is now responsible for more than 50 per cent of marriages and relationships in the Western world, and that number continues to grow.
What to do when you go on a few dates and it KILLS YOUR SOUL?
Give yourself a break. Dating shouldn’t feel like a second job! But if you do have a bad experience, try to remember: that’s just one person, and there are literally thousands of other people out there!Where are the best places to meet men?
I always recommend first dates in public places, where you’re not sitting face to face. It feels too much like an interview, and if you’re just sitting having coffee or a drink, there are very few natural conversation starters. Try an outdoor date like the Zoo or something active, where you are side by side. This encourages better communication (particularly if you’re shy or nervous) and provides lots of natural talking points if the conversation dries up.
What are the red flags we should all be looking out for?
If you’re dating online and someone tries to get the conversation off the app too soon - dating apps provide an extra level of safety and allow you to block and report members. Also, if a person repeatedly makes excuses why they can’t meet in person, be wary.
How do we know we're onto a good thing?
There’s no one answer to that question. If something makes you happy, go with it!
And finally - do I really need a man anyway?
That’s up to you! If you’re happy single, enjoy! Only date for you - not for anyone else!
Roughly 2.3 million single Australians aged 50 and over will be looking for someone to kiss this International Kissing Day, July 6. Lumen, the dating app exclusively for over 50s, is one way they can find love, says Charly Lester, Lumen's in-house dating expert, co-founder and CMO.